Have you ever had an experience of timelessness?

Timelessness is that state of mind when time does not seem to matter or when time seems suspended and is no longer passing. It is those points, episodes and events in our life when time no longer flows or when we are totally unaware of its passage. I remember spending ten days in the Boundary Waters in Northern Minnesota. It took about a week but eventually I stopped thinking of time and looking at my watch. I became almost totally unaware of the passage of time. Life seemed to slow down so that each moment I focused on could have lasted forever. Only the shifting of my thoughts caused any movement in the world. Schedules, to-do-lists, appointments all disappeared.

I rested when I wanted to, paddled when and where I wanted to, ate and napped when I wanted to and not by the movements of the hands on my watch. Time became non-existent except by virtue of the sun, moon and stars. Clock time, machine time, watch time, 24 hour schedules no longer existed for me. Upon leaving the Boundary Waters, it took a few days for me to adjust to “reentry.” I had to adjust again to a world where we take our breaks on a schedule and work x number of hours each day until the weekend signals a break.

Have you ever experienced a state of timelessness? When was the last time that time no longer mattered for you? What events or episodes in your life have evoked a state of timelessness for you? What where they like? Did you find them enjoyable? Do you wish you could have more experiences of timelessness? How often do you have any experiences of timelessness? Do you suppose this is a skill that could be developed or do you think it just happens? What if you could develop a skill to create timelessness whenever you wanted to? What would life be like for you if you could suspend time whenever you wanted or needed to?

As you grow older, how do you renew yourself and your relationships?

And I think I will keep you here,
deep within my heart.
Today...tomorrow...forever...and a day! (From Forever and a Day, by Cindy Heavican)

Songs can tell us a great deal about the feelings associated with time. Forever and a day! What a beautiful thought. When we marry someone, our thoughts are like in this song. Our hope is that our love and our happiness together will last long after our earthly bodies have withered away. Poems and stories are full of tales of love that have somehow transcended time. Some of these stories, like Romeo and Juliet, are now timeless themselves.

We would all like to think that our love will last forever and a day. We marvel at those people for whom this seems to hold true. We may know a special couple who never seem to tire of each other and who are always loving and caring towards each other. Perhaps our own father and mother who have been married for sixty some odd years and who still seem like newlyweds. Or friends who despite the longevity of their marriage treat each day as thought it was the first day of their marriage.

What distinguishes these unique relationships from so many others wherein apathy and even hatred sometimes replace love? The TV, newspapers and crime novels are full of stories where love turned to hatred and one spouse killed another. Can we blame time? Does familiarity breed contempt? Do we simply get tired of people like we get tired of the same old song repeatedly heard? I want to say no, let’s not blame time. If we must find something to blame, perhaps we must start with ourselves. Time can age all things and cause them to decay and rot. Time also allows all things to be renewed, repaired and restored.

What happens if we don’t renew ourselves and our relationships? Of course, they just get older and not better. They may rot from within. Think about yourself today. Are you renewing, repairing or restoring yourself? Or are you just getting older and decaying? We can make a choice. We cannot turn the clock back but we can move forward with it.

Do you read enough? Do you love ideas and books?

Book time is my favorite time. This is when I am already past the “startup” of a new novel or the introduction to a new book and I find the time to just sit down and relax with it. I often go into an old bedroom in our house as it somehow seems more peaceful. It might be just before going to bed or sometimes when I have nothing to do. The world never seems more peaceful. It feels like hiding in a cave. When I was a child, book time was when I would go to the library. I discovered libraries at an early age and it was like discovering paradise.

Libraries were peaceful and quiet and full of all the ideas, fantasies, mysteries and great things of the world. I fell in love with books there. I probably love books more than anything in the world. I love them not only because of what they represent, but because of where they can take you and what they can make you. When I was young, I was taught that knowledge was power and information was a precious resource. The balance of power has shifted now due to modern technology and the internet. Perhaps today it is more important who you know than what you know. Nevertheless, I persist in my love of knowledge and theory and ideas. I am bothered however by one major shift in our culture.

We seem to live in a society that is more and more obsessed by sports. It is a society where star athletes are heroes and computer geeks are nerds. It is a society that places more value on baseball, football and basketball than on books and reading. Perhaps foolishly, I dream of a society where towns have signs up for leading academic students , leading music majors, leading drama classes, leading art students and not just for the “Football champions of 03” or the “ Class AAA Baseball Champions of 2011.” I dream of a society where drama coaches, music coaches and art teachers are as highly paid as NCAA athletic coaches. I dream of a society where as many students show up to watch the debating matches and chess matches as show up for the basketball games. I dream of a society where there is no such thing as nerds and geeks and where developing brain power is as sexy as developing muscle power.

Do you read enough? Do you value ideas as much as you value “who won the Super bowl?” Would you pay as much for a beautiful work of art or a ticket to the symphony as you would for a ticket to an NBA playoff game or a Super bowl game? Do you spend as much time reading as you do watching sports? Do you concern yourself with politics and culture as much as you do with popular NASCAR and Hollywood celebrities? Do your children? Why not? Do you think your life might be different if you valued ideas more? What might change?

How much "Mad Time" do you have in your life?

Do you know what “Mad” time is? It is time we waste when we are mad at others or the world. Road Rage is an extreme example of “Mad” time. How many lives have been wasted because of one single incident on a highway that took less than five seconds? Yet, when Mad time takes over, a single incident can turn into wasted hours, wasted weeks and even wasted lives. Mad time has a notorious propensity to escalate and keep on escalating. An incident can turn neighbors into lifelong enemies. One single incident turns friends, lovers and family members into people that now hate and despise each other. Mad time is a vicious gift that keeps on giving. It gives more and more time to continue hating and loathing and despising others. Nothing is more pernicious or insidious than Mad time. "Of course, you are right, it was not your fault. Of course, they were being jerks. Of course, they should apologize." How much time do you waste thinking about what they did wrong and how you were insulted or maligned?

Have you ever sent an email that you wanted to retrieve? Did it cause you problems when you could not retrieve it? How much time did it take to send the email versus the time it cost you to fix the problems you created by sending it? Have you ever said something you wish you could take back? How much time did it take you to make up for this one lapse of patience. This is Mad time at work. Mad time can consume us and consume the time we could use for helpful activities.

In business, one looks at Costs versus Benefits and it is called a Cost-Benefit Analysis. Perhaps we should have a process for doing a “Mad Time Analysis.” Before we shoot off that angry letter, before we yell at the other driver, before we say those angry words, we should do a cost benefit on the time it will cost us to make amends or the time that it will take out of our lives to repair the damage our actions might cause. How much time will it save or waste versus the time it took us to be angry and retaliatory? Sometimes, you can never undue the damage that one minute of haste or one minute of anger can do. Nothing can take back a life that is lost.

Are you a Mad-aholic? Do you get off on spending Mad time and then dealing with it? What if you had less Mad time in your life? Can you start reducing your Mad time by redirecting your anger? What could you do when you are angry rather than retaliate? Think about how much better your life would be with less Mad time.

What do you anticipate in your life?

Anticipatory time is that time when we are waiting for something to happen. It is when we know in advance that something will happen. Whether it is good or bad, when we are anticipating something, it can seem like forever. Time can move very slowly when we are in an anticipatory mood. Those of us who like to plan may try to control these events. I plan my vacations two to three years ahead. I love the anticipation. For instance, Karen (my spouse) and I had decided to go to Peru in two years. It was fun for me to think what it would be like to climb Machu Picchu and to take the train in Peru. I am anticipating that we will take a small boat ride up the Amazon River. In my mind, everything works fine. I anticipate no problems. I planned my first overseas trip twenty five years ago. Since the first, Karen and I have gone on 17 trips to 29 different countries. Each trip was planned more than two years in advance. We post pictures of where we want to go, buy books, get maps, contact people, get local newspapers and get more and more excited as the day draws near. In many ways, our anticipatory time goes very fast. There are so many details and so much to work out to make sure that everything goes as we anticipate.

However, regardless of how much we try to control the time in our lives, there are inevitably events we cannot control. On Monday morning, your boss says “I want to see you in my office on Friday.” Your annual performance evaluation, an important presentation or an upcoming court date are just a few of the many different events that will create “anticipatory time” in our lives. Some of these events will not be ones that we would choose. These will create “negative” anticipatory time. I call this the time we have to wait that is not fun and that creates stress in our lives. Positive anticipatory time may also go slow but it is time that is fun to think about and where we are anxious for the time to move fast. In both cases, we want the time to go by but in one case, it is with positive anticipation and the other with negative anticipation.

What do you like to anticipate in your life? Are you in control over your anticipations or do you just go with the flow? Would more planning help you to have more fun with anticipation? What can you do to minimize the “negative” anticipation in your life? Are you leading the type of balanced life that helps to minimize stress and problems? If not, how can you get more balance in your life? A balanced life will have less negative and more positive anticipatory time.

Will today be the best day of your life?

This is the best time in the world! There is no better time than now. Perhaps today it might sound foolish to say this. Perhaps tomorrow it might sound even more foolish. To some it will always sound foolish. Many will say it is looking at the world with rose colored glasses. Others will attribute it to a foolish optimism. Few will see it as a statement of realism and it will never be possible to prove it as a statement of fact. Yet, this statement of belief determines to a large extent what we do with our lives and what we attempt to do in the world.

When you believe that the world feels wonderful, it changes your whole perspective on life. On the days when I can grasp this thought, there is no other place I want to be. Things are going just right, all is well. I feel healthy, happy and contented. I am not unhappy with the right wing or left wing or chaos anywhere in the world. I can just accept the world for what it is. It is a wonderful feeling. I sometimes wish the feeling could last forever. I think of the quote from Dickens that: “this is the best of all possible worlds.” Where else could I go?

If we look around us, we can see a beautiful place full of beautiful people and extraordinary places and opportunities. Of course, we can see the opposite if we are minded to. There will always be war, hatred, killing and violence. It is part of human nature. But are you part of the problem or part of the solution? If you are not doing your share to end the problems of the world, why complain about them? Take some time to end violence, to end poverty and to end war. But for today, try to find only the good out there.

See if you can find three things that make you happy or three good things that you like about the world. Try to be aware today of the good things in your life. Write them down and look at them again when you wake up tomorrow. See if you can feel why this is the best of all possible times and the best of all possible worlds. Tomorrow can be even better. Can you make the choice?

Have you ever thought of building your own time capsule?

Time capsules! I want to open a time capsule. When I was a small boy, I was truly fascinated by the whole idea of a time capsule. It seemed so Buck Rogers like. You take parts of present civilization, put them in a non-destructible container, bury it in the ground and then 1000 years later, you open it up. I did not believe anything could be more interesting. I hoped someday that I could be present at the opening of one. I thought surely sometime during my lifetime, a time capsule from the past would be opened and I could be present when it was opened. How exciting it would be! I would be able to see what people of generations long ago thought was important. The messages and memories sent by the people from generations past to the generations of the future. Only now I could be there to be part of history. I longed to find out what wisdom the people from the past would have to share with us now. What knowledge had been forgotten and would now be revived? What treasures would be revealed from the capsule?

Well, I see they are still burying time capsules and occasionally I see that a time capsule has been opened. Sadly, I still have not been present when any were opened. Either my timing or my location has not been right. Perhaps it is time that I made my own time capsule. Have you ever thought about making a time capsule for your children or grandchildren? Why not? You could just take a large Tupperware container for the capsule. Make sure anything that you put in it is well wrapped in baggies or some type of plastic to prevent moisture from getting in. Date it with a permanent ink marker. Find a place to bury it and put some sort of marker on the spot. Find a place on the internet where time capsules are listed and post yours.

Now comes the fun part. What would you put in it? What treasures, thoughts or ideas would you like your grandchildren to know about many years from now? Where would you “bury” it for them to open? When would you permit them to open it? Think of the reactions on their faces when they found the messages and treasures you left for them. No doubt you would make some little boy or girl very happy. I know I would be if I opened your time capsule.

If we cried more, would we have less rage and abuse?

Crying time is more acceptable for women than men. Nevertheless, even men have their crying times. Crying time most likely occurs over a tragic death, when we lose a relationship, attend a funeral or feel badly about something we did. Paradoxically, many people cry when they are happy, for instance at weddings. Others cry when they are angry.

For men, there is less crying time than for women. I have often wondered what the purpose of crying is or how the function developed. What evolutionary or biological purpose does crying serve? There are those that say that only music truly sets us apart from lower creatures, but do animals cry? I have seen sadness in some of my pets, but I cannot say I have ever seen an animal crying. For myself, I cannot say that I cry very much. This is not to say that I never cry. I have cried tears of sadness and tears of pain but I cannot remember ever crying tears of joy or tears of anger. There are certain stories that will always bring tears to my eyes. “The Little Match-girl” is one of them. I have never seen a production of the story or read the story without crying.

When my first wife and I separated, it seems like I spent one entire week crying. Crying seemed purposeless at the time. However, after the release of disappointment and emotional uplifting, I was leading my life again solo without looking back and trying to resurrect the relationship. The crying allowed me to let go of things and to move forward with my future. So maybe crying would be a better release for many people than the displays of anger and abuse we often witness in our society.

What would it take to make crying more acceptable for men as well as for women? Would it decrease abuse and rage in our society if we encouraged men to spend more crying time? What about teenagers and the problems with school violence and suicide? Could more crying time be an antidote to these problems? What role does crying play in your life? Do you find crying to be helpful? Do you cry enough?

What time do you have for regrets?

What does time have to do with regrets? I once heard someone say that the only thing you will regret when your life is over are those things that you wanted to do but never did. Some of these things may be adventures that were never taken or people you wanted to meet and never did. They may also include apologies you wanted to make or forgiveness you wanted and never gave or received. You may look back on your life someday with no regrets as my friend Harold Johnson did. However, I think it is a rare individual that will live their life with no regrets. Time plays an important role in this process since we often act as though we would have unlimited time to fix things. I will call and apologize tomorrow. I will see them later. I will take that trip next year. What if tomorrow never comes? Who among us knows the time of our death?

If you could take a walk to a cemetery and talk to the people therein, what do you think they would they say about their lives and their regrets? I can imagine how many would say that they regret they never really prioritized their lives according to what really mattered. Mary was struck by a car while on a shopping trip. Paul had a heart attack while watching a soccer game. Israel was sitting at a bar when shot during an attempted hold-up. Sarah had always wanted to have enough money to visit the Holy land but could never seem to save enough for the trip. Jasmine says she would have liked to have spent more time with her son and daughter. Mohamed had not seen his parents in over two years because he was too busy with school and work.

What regrets about your life do you have today? What can you do about them today? Some of them you can do nothing about, but others you can. Like they say in the Serenity Prayer: “Lord, help us to know the difference.” Make a list of regrets you might be able to do something about. Be optimistic. Don’t put this off until tomorrow. Do it today. When you have made this list, choose one to work on for the next week or month. Perhaps this will become a good habit. When you have finished your list, how do you think you will feel?

What can you learn about time from the sports in your life?

Run time! No, this is not the run time for my computer. This is my personal running time. I have been running regularly for 35 years. On the average, I run about 5 times a week and about 3 to 4 miles each run. I am still waiting for the runners “high” where I can feel nothing but blissful peace. I really enjoy running but through the years, there have been numerous pains and hurts to overcome. It seems to get harder running in the winter. I suppose running is a great deal like life, it has its ups and downs and it only gets better when we keep working at it. There are no magical highs (except for temporary ones on drugs) but in general, the pleasure I get from running outweighs the pain.

I no longer try to increase my running speed or my distances. I will not be an Olympic marathoner nor am I training for my 101st marathon. I like to say I am a “maintenance” runner. That is my schedule is set up to maintain my present level of fitness. For my age, I am in reasonably good health. I am five foot eight inches tall and I weigh about 140 lbs. I feel good and have not been to surgery or to the doctor for anything serious yet in my life. I pray it will remain the same for the next ten years.

What does running have to do with time? I find that by doing “maintenance” running, I notice my running times go in cycles with the seasons. I run more in the late summer and fall and less in the winter and spring. At first I was worried at these dips in my “maintenance” schedule. Then, I read that it is natural to go with a cycle and that it lets my body recover. Just like winter allows the earth to recover before it starts to bud out in spring and emerge more glorious in summer. As each year progresses, I find that I am running farther and farther and enjoying it more and more. As winter sets in again, I slow down and with the shorter days, my runs become shorter and shorter. Spring is when I start feeling like increasing my runs and distance, though I feel sluggish after the long winter in Minnesota. My body and running seem to respond to the same cycles as the earth.

Have you ever found a cycle to your life? What activities or efforts in your life seem cyclical? Do you fight your cycles or do you allow yourself to “go with the flow.” How have cycles made a difference in your life? Would better managing your natural cycles improve your life?

What is the relationship between time and value?

Polls show Americans like instant gratification. A recent AP Poll showed that Americans are an impatient bunch. We get antsy after a few minutes on hold; we hate to wait in grocery stores or in airports. Older people are more impatient than younger people. People in the country are just a little more patient than city people but not by much. This poll was based on 1003 adults. Most people answered they felt more time poor than money poor. Benjamin Franklin said that time was money and many of us take this truth to heart.

The findings from this AP Poll will probably not surprise anyone but it is significant in that today we are beginning to value time more than money. Economic theory or the Law of Supply and Demand says that the scarcer something is the more valuable it will be. If we now have less time than money, then time will become proportionally more valuable to us. People who can afford Hummers and other such luxuries may have a surplus of money but there are only 24 hours in a day. No matter who you are or how much money you have, the time you have is fixed. You cannot buy another minute in a day or another second in your life. You may work overtime to acquire more toys or to display a luxury lifestyle image but rich or poor you share the same amount of time each day as everyone else. Time will become more and more precious when you get older while the things in your life will soon lose their luster. Bling only blings so long and then goes out of style.

What if we wanted less? What if we spent less time shopping and buying and acquiring things? Would you be happier with less things and more time? How does buying and spending keep you from enjoying your time and relaxing more? How does owning so many toys affect your life? What if you adopted the virtue of frugality? Would you trade your things for more time to spend with those you love? Would your life be happier if it were simpler?

Why is patience a gift of love you give yourself?

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” (Paul, 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7).

This quote has probably been read at more weddings than any other quote in history. When you hear this quote, do you think about the connection between patience, love and time? Probably not! You might even be wondering what time has to do with love and patience. Well, patience is the ability to wait and let time go without being unduly stressed. It is the ability to tolerate delays in time and delays in our scheduled activities. Patience is tolerance of others whose time frames and time manners may not be the same as ours. Most of us have a different view of what it means to be late or on time. Different cultures and different upbringings bestow quite a bit of variation on the concept of timeliness. If you are obsessed with you definition of what it means to be “on-time”, no doubt you will be stressed a great deal. You may also earn the dislike of those who feel you are too rigid and absorbed with your own priorities.

Are you patient in traffic with those who are too slow and wait too long at a red light? Are you patient with people in lines at the airport, grocery store or gas station? Are you patient with the elderly, the frail, and the disabled? Why should you be patient? Why should you love others? Do you only give love to those you care about? Ask your loved ones if you are patient. Patience is a kind of gift you can give to everyone. Patience is a gift of manners and caring for those who are slower, weaker or perhaps just different than we are.

Why give patience? Indeed, why give love to others at all? The more love you have for others, the more will be returned to you. Patience is a practice that we can get better at, but we must periodically stop our clocks or we cannot learn to be patient. Turn off the clock a few times a day. Forget about the time. Take a break to breath and do nothing. The gift of time you give to yourself will be a gift that you can give others. How does it feel?

What is the quality of the time you spend with your children?

Children Time! The experts all say that the best thing to spend on your children is your time. Nevertheless, toys have become a substitute for time spent with children today. How much money is spent on children’s toys each year? How many parents do you see who try to buy their kid’s affections with toys? Children are inundated with toys, video games, I-Pods, and countless other throw-away items. We bury our kids with an avalanche of toys and mindless distractions. The toys and the interest in the toys do not seem to last as long as the batteries. Once upon a time, children if they were good got a special toy at Christmas or on their birthday. Today, every day is toy day for kids. I have seen friends who have children with so many toys you can barely walk through their houses. Many motorcycle clubs have a ride each year called “Toys for Tots” to buy toys for any children who do not have enough. However, the real problem is too many toys for children. Too many toys and not enough time with our children!

Have you noticed that kids seem more angry (witness the increasing school violence) today. They are certainly getting fatter (due in some small part to all the toys they have that prevent them from getting real exercise). I see young kids riding down the street on motorized skate boards and motorized scooters instead of pedaling or pushing a regular skate board. They are inevitably overweight or obese. Computer sports games and other on-line competitive games have replaced real sports for many kids. Of course, there are those kids whose parents are grooming them for the NFL or NBA or NHL and these poor kids get to go to so many sports events they lose track. Followed by the inevitable coach parent, they will probably learn to hate sports as something that is a duty rather than something you can do for fun. I wonder how many of these sport-aholic parents and children will appreciate exercise for exercise sake or will really enjoy the parent child time spent together? How many of these would be Pro-Stars will still be in good shape when they are in their thirties or say fifties?

Regardless of how much we give our children or how many sporting events we make our children attend, the thing they will remember the most and that will have the most impact on their lives will be the quality of the time we spend with them. Quality time is time spend interacting with our children. This does not mean watching TV with them or even going to their soccer games and baseball games. It is time spent relating to them and sharing parent wisdom, guidance and experience with them. It is time spent camping with your children, roller skating, ice skating, skiing or playing tennis with them. It is time spent reading a story to or with them. It is time spent helping them with their homework or doing chores around the house with them. It is time spent during the entire cycle of your children’s lives from infant to old-age. Parent child time will change as they grow older but it does not diminish in terms of the quality of the interaction that is important.

How much time do you spend doing things with your children, with your grandchildren? Do you read to your children, play games with them, take walks with them? How much quality time do your spend with your children versus just “busy” time? What could you do to increase the quality of the time you spend with your children and with your family? Would this improve your life or their lives or both?

Do you have enough leisure time?

Perhaps the most valued time in our modern world is our “leisure time.” Everyone wants more leisure time. Few of us have enough of it or think we do. But do you know what the word leisure means? Without a dictionary, we would all define it very differently. For what is one person’s leisure (working in a garden) is another’s tedium. My best friend loves to work on cars, while I hate the task and will bring mine into a shop. Another friend loves to work on his house, while I am forever looking for handymen to take care of odd jobs. I spend a great deal of leisure time on my computer.

Dictionary.com defines leisure as: “Freedom from time-consuming duties, responsibilities, or activities.” This definition does not make sense if you think about it. Since everything takes time, how can we ever really be free from “time-consuming” activities? Do you know anything that can be done that will not involve an expenditure of time? Whether I go on vacation, play or go to work, I will consume time. Even prayer and meditation consume time.

Leisure time has more to do with being free from goals and obligations than it does with not consuming time. Thus, freedom from duties and responsibilities is more germane to our concept of leisure time than simply not spending time. Leisure time is time when I do not have to be goal oriented or time that is not driven by some overarching responsibility. There are precious few of these moments for many of us. Even recreation and play can seem like responsibilities or work generating teaks. How many of us go on vacation and need one when we get back? Playing can be hard work for many of us if we turn it into the inevitable competition that exists in our world today.

How much leisure time do you have in your day, in your week, in your life? Is it time that is truly free of goals and responsibilities? Do you get enough of this time? If not, how could you have more leisure time in your life? What is one thing you could do today to give yourself some more “leisure time.” What would your life be like if you had more leisure time each day to just do what you want to do?

How much time do you spend with family?

Family time is one of the most important times in our lives. It is the time we set aside for our children and our spouse. Sometimes it seems hard to “find” this time, but unless we make the effort, we grow old without really creating those essential bonds for a family. When my daughter was young, I tried to have a fixed time each week to do something together with her. As she got older and had more friends it became more difficult to find the time each week. Nevertheless, no matter how much we say we love someone, there is nothing like being there for them.

The need to be there never ends. One morning Karen got up at 4:30 AM to travel 30 miles to take her oldest daughter to the hospital for surgery. Julie, (Karen’s Oldest) was having a hysterectomy and Karen wanted to be there with her at the hospital. Karen asked her boss for the day off so she could drive Julie to the hospital and spend the day with her. It would have been very easy for Karen to find an excuse: “It is really far to drive;” “I don’t have much vacation time left;” “There will be plenty of support at the hospital;”
“I will only spend most of my day sitting around.” Actually, all of these thoughts went through my head when Karen told me what she planned to do. However, to Karen, this was a form of family time and it was the most important time in the world that she could spend with her daughter.

In my second marriage, Karen and I fixed times to do something together as a family and to do something with just each other. I am not always good at keeping this family time and it is not always “quality” time but as I look back, I would never give up these times. If there were one most important “time” in my relationship with Karen, it is this “family time.” I think Karen and I have grown closer together and become more loving and intimate as time has gone by. Our family time and family meetings are still weekly events which we adhere to. Sometimes they end up in disagreements or the discussion of unpleasant issues. The alternative is to ignore problems and just let them build up. I have found that it is never one big issue that destroys a relationship. It is the pile up of straws that as the proverb goes eventually “breaks the camels back.” Family time for me is not only time together, it is problem-solving time to improve our relationship.

Do you have a family time? Do you have a set time each week to spend together for fun and for discussion? If so, do you find this time valuable? If not, what would it take to create this time? What would it take to improve the quality of your time together with your family? Will you regret that you did not take this time in the years to come? Can you start this week with more family time?

How much of your time is Prime Time?

We are all familiar with the concept of “Prime time.” According to Wikipedia, Prime
Time is defined as “the block of time with the most viewers and is generally where television networks and local stations reap much of their advertising revenues.” Thus for some, Prime Time is where the most money can be made.

However, what if we thought of Prime Time as a kind of Angus Beef time, in other words the choicest time of the day or our lives? Just like there are different cuts of beef denoting the value of the beef, we could have different cuts of time such as: Standard time, Choice Time, Select Time and Prime Time. Choice Time would be a lower grade of time. Work time and time spent on activities that were necessary might be Choice Time. Select Time would be time that we can select to do what we want with. Select Time can be play time or relaxation time or time which we just spend in front of the TV. Prime Time is the most special time of the day. It is the premium time we spend. It is the time that is richest in flavor and value. It is the time that you would least want to give up.

My Prime Time is the time I spend with my spouse when we both come home from work. It is the time that I spend with my grandchildren and the time I spend with my best friends. I am never sure whether my other times will be fun or worthwhile. The time I spend with my loved ones transcends being fun or worthwhile. It is a prime part of my life.

What is the Prime Time of your life? Do you regard Prime Time as ongoing, or do you feel you have already “tasted” it? Can you enjoy Prime Time every day of the week or do you just have a few days of Prime Time each week? Do you have enough Prime Time in your life? What can you do to have more Prime Time in your life?

What do you do with your "left over" time?

I have some “left-over” time today. Like left-over food, if I don’t use it, it will probably spoil. You cannot save left-over time too long, since something will inevitably come up to take it away from you. We get left-over time when we finish something sooner than we thought we would. I may budget four hours for a project but instead it only takes three. I now have 1 hour left-over. If I don’t save this time, I will surely be able to use it up right away. Left-overs are one of life’s many blessings to us. Do you know anybody that does not like left-overs? It is so much fun to go back down to the refrigerator after all the company has left and find left-over turkey or chicken or a roast to pick on.

Left-over time can be equally wonderful. We all love to have time left to spend on something that we did not plan or did not anticipate. It is all too rare these days to find ourselves with left-over time. Of course, if you get to the airport and find out that your plane was delayed, you might be at a loss as to what to do with your time. At this point, there is no refrigerator to store your left-over time in. Many people plan for such delays and creatively find uses for left-over time. Much like some good cooks can make more interesting second meals out of left-overs, some people find very novel ways to spend their left-over time. Take a trip to an airport sometime and look at all the ways that people spend their left-over time.

Left-over food always seems to taste better when you eat it then when it was cooked. Do you think “left-over time” gets better when you can put it away and bring it out later to use? Does time age well or does it go stale very quickly? How long can you keep left-over time? When do you ever have “left-overs” for time? If you finish something today in less time than you had anticipated, what will you do with your left-over time today? Are you creative with your left-over time? Maybe we all need to start finding a better way to have “left-overs” for time and more creative ways to spend it?

Oh, those restless times! What can I do?

Restless times are those times when we just can’t seem to be comfortable. Sometimes they happen when we are nervous, sometimes when we are worried and other times when we are just too tired too sleep or relax. I often get restless when I am on a long plane trip. I get restless just before I am going to go on vacation or before an important presentation or training session. Sometimes, I will get up early because I can’t sleep. I have even been known to go out and jog at 11 PM. It is easier to deal with restlessness when you are home because you have the advantage of familiarity with your surroundings. On vacations, I get very restless when I start to miss being at work and my familiar routines.

A large part of restlessness may have to do with having less control over things that are happening to us. They say the body has its own wisdom. Many times we choose not to listen to the “wisdom” of our body. There is usually a price paid for this mistake. Restlessness may be a way that our bodies are trying to tell us something. Discovering the underlying worry or problem can be one solution. Meditation can be a good solution but it takes quite a bit of discipline to meditate when we are restless. Our vast pharmacological cornucopia is more than ready to sedate us or medicate us with pills and prescriptions. The problem with this solution (not to mention drug side effects) is that it numbs our bodies and minds to the true cause of our problem. Taking a drug for “restless” leg syndrome may mask the fact that our legs are crying for exercise or some stimulation. Conversely, they may just need some rest. Do you know anyone on a long plane trip who does not get symptoms of “restless” leg syndrome? However, we all want quick fixes and the medicine cabinet is increasingly full of them. Beware the price you pay though!

Are you ever restless? What makes you restless? What can you do about it? Do you look for the quick fix? What price do you pay when you take a quick fix? Pay attention today and notice if and when you are restless. When you are restless, what could your body be trying to tell you? What are some things that you could do to better address your restlessness than going to the medicine cabinet?

What does time have to do with risk?

“But time makes you bolder” are lines from a song by the rock group Fleetwood Mac. But does it? We have a saying in motorcycling that “There are bold riders and there are old riders, but there are no ‘old’ bold riders.” I find that as I grow older, I am getting more cautious in many areas of my life. When we are young, we think we will live forever. When we grow old, we are much more aware of our mortality. We no longer think we are invincible. We have suffered broken bones and broken hearts. We realize that few things will last forever. This makes us more cautious. Once you find that fire burns, you are less likely to stick your hand in it. There are many things in life that burn. The older we get, the (hopefully) wiser we become.

As with anything, we can be overly cautious. Age can bring wisdom and vigilance. However, excessive vigilance and caution can make us pass up many wonderful opportunities. Life cannot be lived to the fullest strictly by observing caution. I tell my students that everything in life involves risk. We all must be risk takers to live. There are two types of risk takers. One is smart, these are the risk minimizers. The other is foolish. These are the risk maximizers. For example, a risk maximizer does not wear a helmet while riding. A risk minimizer always wears a helmet when riding. You cannot be successful in business without taking risks either. However, you have a choice between being a risk minimizer or a risk maximizer. A smart business person tries to minimize risk.

The question for all of us as we age is this: “Where do we need to be “bolder” and where is it smart to be more cautious?” I would hate to think that growing old meant I had to give up motorcycling, skiing, skydiving, scuba diving or any of the other sports that I enjoy. Nevertheless, I would like to think I am more cautious in each of these activities and that I no longer take the same risks I did when I was younger and bolder. Where in your life have you become more cautious? Where have you become too cautious? Are there areas where you need to take “more” risk? How about areas where you need to take fewer risks?

What if you had a second chance?

“Run Lola Run” was a fascinating movie about the subject of time and chance in our lives. In the movie, a young woman gets to keep replaying the same twenty minutes during which time she must find and bring 100,000 Deutschmarks to her boyfriend before he robs a grocery store. If he does not come up with the money, he will forfeit his life to the thief whose money he lost. If he robs the store, he will be killed or become an outlaw. It is up to Lola to use the twenty minutes to get the money and bring it to her boyfriend. When she is not successful the first time, the clock is reset and she gets to try again. Each time the clock is reset, the movie starts out with Lola madly running, as she is fully aware that she has only twenty minutes to save her boyfriend. Each time, you think that it is a replay but you will soon notice that something different happens each time leading to a different result. There are three or four “retakes” and finally she gets it “right.” She obtains the money and saves her boyfriends life.

The story is engrossing as we want Lola to succeed. However each time she fails, it makes us wonder if it is really in the cards. But Lola does not give up. Many of us think that this is just a movie. In life we never get a second chance. We cannot reply the mistakes we made. At least that is how many of us feel. In reality, we replay our mistakes many times. Do you know anyone who had an unhappy or wronged life on the basis of only one event? When you notice someone going to jail for some crime, it is seldom that they do so for the “first” offense. If we are not patient, compassionate or happy, it is generally not the result of one episode of mistreatment. Similarly, our lives do not have to continue down the same track. As the saying goes “Today is the first day of the rest of your life.”

What in your life, do you wish you could replay? Where have you given up and not taken the second, third or even fourth try? What would happen today if you could play it over and keep trying until you got it right? What might be different in your life now? Is it too late, or have you simply given up? Perhaps not all things can be changed, but there are many that can. What can you find in your life that you can and will start to replay?

Government disbands the IRS: April fool!

April fools day. What an interesting way to begin a month. Did you ever wonder where this tradition came from? Why is it okay to “fool” people on this day of the year? It appears that though many countries in the world share this tradition, the origin of it is still quite disputable. Some say it began as a means of fooling people as to the beginning of the real year while others see it as connected to the crucifixion of Jesus. Nevertheless, it is a time of hoaxes and trickery. You can amuse yourself by Googling the “greatest April fools day tricks of all time.”

Of course, many of us are perhaps more concerned about our taxes then “fooling” around. For some, April is when the IRS must be paid. If you are like I am, you start trying to itemize all of your receipts and keep your fingers crossed that you will not owe the government any money. We like to think of our “tax refund” as a kind of a down payment on our vacation for the upcoming year. No refund, no vacation.

What does the month of April mean for you? Are you a trickster or do you habitually get fooled? Have you ever played an April fools joke on someone? Why not? Go ahead and use this day to play a joke on someone? Keep it funny and see what happens?