What if you had a second chance to change time?

Good Morning!  Before you say "thank God it's Friday", here are some thoughts on time to take you to the weekend. Time has often been the theme or plot of many stories and movies.  Days repeating themselves, people living life over again, people being born in the future etc.  Time travel has been a very popular theme. Several movies have been made involving the concept of traveling back or forward in time.  Often the plot involves the futility of trying to change the future or the negative effects from trying to change the past. This creates what could be called the “time paradox.”  If you could go back and change things, then why would you need to go back in the first place?  Another dilemma time travel poses is how anyone could be alive at two places at the same time.  Inevitably, the person going back discovers the futility of trying to change time.  In Déjà vu, Denzel Washington was able to surmount the time paradox and successfully changed the future.  Of course, it is not explained how he managed to exist at two places at the same time, but the movie is very entertaining.

Some movies have dealt with the theme of “stuck in time” as in the movie “Ground Hog Day.”  In this movie, the main character Phil (played by Bill Murray) is a weatherman  assigned to cover Groundhog Day in Punxsutawney Pennsylvania, where every year a big to-do is made about whether or not the ground hog comes out and sees its shadow.  The outcome of this ritual is said to determine how much longer winter will go on.  This year we were told that we will have two more weeks of winter although apparently there was a challenge from a competing groundhog somewhere else.  

Phil is a disillusioned self-centered individual with a very cynical outlook on life. By some stroke of fate, he finds that he keeps waking up and reliving Groundhog Day over and over again. We surmise that he must keep repeating the day until he is able to get it right.  He must develop a likable and lovable personality. The proof that he has changed lies in his ability to win the heart of a local woman played by Andie MacDowell.  The character Phil is not only given a second and third but even gets a fourth and fifth chance to live his life over again and to get it right. 

Now you might think that Phil was lucky and you never get such luck but you would be wrong.  Each day you get up, you have another chance to get it right.  Each day is an opportunity for a new beginning and a new start.  You have to make a choice. Will you keep doing the same things or will you change your life. How often have you wished you could change the past or keep repeating it until you got it right?  What is one thing you would like to go back into the past to change?  What if you could change it?  How would your life be different today?  The choice is yours to make. The past is really always present. 

I'm in a hurry but going nowhere fast! The fallacy of Multi-tasking!

“The more I’m in a hurry, the more I tend to worry.”  I remember these lyrics from a song many years ago.  The more I’m in a hurry, the more I tend to worry.  This makes a lot of sense if you think about it. When you try to go fast, you frequently end up putting things in the wrong place or forgetting to do something.  For the past few years, multi-tasking has been pushed as a sort of panacea to our productivity and economic problems. If we could all learn to do things faster and to do several things at one time, we would be more efficient and productive.  We could then compete better in the global market place.  I hope I do not have a surprise for you if I tell you that “lack of multi-tasking” skills is not the cause of our present economic problems.  Lack of innovation has more to do with it than lack of skills. 

Recent research confirms my opinion.  The more we do, the dumber we do things. We do not concentrate and do an effective job when we try to do several things at one time.  We don’t watch TV and write well. We don’t play cards and monitor our children well and we do not drive and talk on cell phones well. We are also not very innovative when we are focused on how much we need to do or how fast we need to do things.  We all know these facts from our own experiences.   Then why don’t we give up this mania that seems to afflict us with multi-tasking and doing things faster, faster, faster.  I remember Keith Code from the California Superbike School when I took his 3 day course in cornering.  He kept advising us over and over “You have to learn to go slow before you can go fast.”  Hardly any of us on the race course at Road America wanted to hear the word “slow.”  We bought our superbikes to go fast not slow.  It took several years for Keith’s message to sink in.  I have learned in the interim that it applies to swimming and skiing as well.  I am sure it applies to many other aspects of our lives. You can probably think of some.  I would love to hear your lessons. Feel free to add your experiences in my comments section.

I have realized that when my pace speeds up and when I get going really fast, I am more worried that I will forget something or do something wrong. Generally, I am right. Going too fast, results in mistakes and doing things over. How many times in the morning when I am getting ready for work, do I end up walking back up my stairs because I forgot my phone or something else? The moral here should be that if we slow down, we will have less worry in our lives. At least, there might be some opportunities for less worry.  Slowing down will not reduce all the worries in your life, but if speed kills, then you will have dying sooner as one less worry.  Think of the deaths on the highways that could be prevented by less hurrying and taking life a little bit slower.  Not only would you get there in one piece but the drive would be a great deal less stressful.  You might even start finding things to be more fun.

Are you a freeway speed demon?  Are you worried about getting to work on time?  Would it help you to worry less, if you could take more time to do things? What is one thing you can do more slowly today? Try it and see if at the end of the week you do not feel less stressed.

February is the month of Forgiveness

This blog is about time and I want to think about the importance that dates and events have in our lives.  It is half way into February now but I hope not too late to consider the importance of this month.  Indeed, in some ways February could just be the most important month of the year for us.  Consider the following:  February was named after the Latin term Februltus, which means "a righting of wrongs.”  It is a month when we begin looking towards the end of winter and the beginning of spring.  We are now more relaxed since the holidays are long over, but it is usually too cold and wintry to do much outside unless you live in Florida or Arizona or some other warm place.  However, my thermometer says it is 37 degrees outside this morning in Arizona City so that is not exactly warm. With any luck though, it will be in the 60’s by mid-afternoon. 

So what can we do in February?  Well, maybe the idea of “righting wrongs” is a good use of our time. In the 12 Step AA program, one is expected to make a list of the people they have wronged and ask for forgiveness from these people; those friends, relatives or even acquaintances that we have hurt or taken advantage of in some way. We can all think back through the past year or years and think of something we did that hurt someone or something we did that we wished we could correct. Can you think of a better use of an entire month, then to make amends with the people who you have hurt, lost, forgot or even just not talked to in a long time?  There are 29 days this year in February, well only 14 left now.  But what if you picked 14 people that you wanted to ask forgiveness from or apologize to for something you did wrong. 

I will tell you a little story that might apply to many of us.  My ex-wife’s grandmother Rose was one of the nicest people I have ever met.  We spent much time with her on holidays and weekends whenever we could.  She lived and died in St. Paul, MN.  One day we were talking and I asked her if she had any siblings and what had happened to them.  Grandma Rose said “O yes, I have a brother who is about my age.”  I was surprised because she had never mentioned him before.  I asked her where he lived.  I assumed it was far far away and thus provided a barrier to keeping in touch.  She said “He lives on the other side of St. Paul.”  I was shocked.  I asked her why they were not in touch.  She told me that they had a big fight 40 years ago and had never talked since.  This was her only sibling.  Her parents, grandparents and most friends were by now long dead, but she still harbored this grudge against her brother and vice versa it would appear.  They were no more than 10 miles or a phone call away, but it might have been ages and eons for all that the distance mattered.  I was even more stunned but somewhat not surprised that Grandma Rose died several years later and to the best of my knowledge had never reconciled or even talked to her brother.  I suspect that he was not even at her funeral but what would it have mattered if he were?

As I tell this story, I am struck by a sense of sadness and futility.  How can we hold our grudges so long?  What does it do to us as humans and spiritual people?  I doubt if one of you can see any value in harboring grudges, vendettas, feuds or hostilities with others but how many of you have someone you know that you no longer talk to or someone you refuse to acknowledge?  What is the purpose, what is the meaning?

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.-- Mahatma Gandhi

Resentment is like a glass of poison that a man drinks; then he sits down and waits for his enemy to die.—Nelson Mandela when asked why he was not resentful for his imprisonment.

If you have the desire to learn more about forgiveness, go to the following site:   http://www.forgivenessfoundation.org/inspiration/quotes/  You can learn a great deal about forgiving others on this site.  The book How To Forgive When You Can't: The Breakthrough Guide to Free Your Heart & Mind by Dr. Jim Dincalci is well worth reading.  Each person we carry a grudge against is a festering sore on our own hearts and souls.  There may be people whom it is good to avoid, but forgiveness is more about us than others and taking care of our immortal souls. 

Who do you need to make amends with?  Who could you right a wrong with?  How about starting with one person today and see how it goes? Remember, you only have 14 days left in February so you should start soon.  Think of how much better you will feel.

Happy Valentines Day

Happy Valentine’s Day to all of you!  Thank you for following my blog each day.  I love the fact that people (although mostly unknown are reading my writing.)  I hope they are bringing some ideas, joy, peace or happiness to your daily efforts. You are all my Valentines so here are some quotes that you can carry through the day.  I am substitute teaching at the High School here in Casa Grande today and I forgot to bring valentines candy for the kids.  Do you remember when you were in grade school or high school and traded valentines or sent secret valentines to someone you liked?  Do you remember getting a valentine and you could not figure out who gave it to you?  Perhaps you were one of those people, who like myself, no one ever gave a Valentine’s Day card to?  Good thing I have been married to Karen because this is one of her favorite holidays.   Here are ten quotes for you to help love someone more today:

If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.
A. A. Milne
Where there is great love, there are always wishes.
Willa Cather
Love is a game that two can play and both win.
Eva Gabor
Love is being stupid together.
Paul Valery
If you press me to say why I loved him, I can say no more than because he was he, and I was I.
W. H. Auden
Love is the magician that pulls man out of his own hat.
Ben Hecht
We are each of us angels with only one wing, and we can only fly by embracing one another.
Lucretius
To love abundantly is to live abundantly, and to love forever is to live forever.
Henry Drummond
Love is the flower you've got to let grow.
John Lennon
Come live in my heart, and pay no rent.
Samuel Lover

http://www.brainyquote.com/specials/valentines_day/valentines_day_quotes.html#ixzz1mMX06oJj

Give a Valentine to someone you like today.  Give some candy or give a compliment or give some praise.  Today is a day to spread love.  It is the greatest gift in the world and it is free.  Think of someone whom you have not talked to in quite a while, surprise them with a call. Say Happy Valentine’s Day, I was thinking of you!  What will it take? A little time is all. 

What do forensics and time have to do with each other and our lives?

The wily detective Columbo (played by the late Peter Falk as many of you will remember) is called to the crime scene in the wee hours of the hourly morning.  The pathologist has already examined the body.  Columbo has barely managed to grab a donut and coffee.  His trademark overcoat drapes his body but he has not yet pulled out his cigar.  He looks like he has had a bad night’s sleep.  Wearily he asks the examiner, “What’s the time of death doc?”  “No question about it, the victim died at exactly 12 AM.”  Columbo shuffles his feet a bit and then pulls out and lights his cigar.  He appears to be somewhat disconcerted by the entire crime scene and you know he is beginning one of his famous stories wherein nothing is as it appears to be.  He returns to the examiner and says “Doc, how come you are so certain of the time of death?”  Well, there are three reasons detective.  First, the temperature of the body would indicate an approximate time of death as 3 hours ago.  Since, it is now 3AM that would make the time of death, 12 AM.  Second, the coagulation at the bottom of the victims body would indicate a stoppage of blood flow at about 3 hours ago and finally, the wrist watch on the victims hand is broken and the time the watch stopped is precisely 12 AM.   Is that enough detective?”  Well, that should be conclusive right?  You can’t argue with forensics and science much less a broken wrist watch.  However, as you might have guessed, these seemingly incontrovertible facts only make Columbo more suspicious.  I can hear him thinking, “It’s too pat.”  

The major suspect (of course the victim’s wife) is forty years younger than her spouse and stands to make 40 million dollars should her husband pass away.  These facts, plus the fact that she was known to have a boyfriend on the side, (her husband hired a private detective to trail her and he has these very incriminating photos) point to her motive.  However, the time of death presents a major problem.  She was at a wedding as the maid of honor and had multiple witnesses (400) to testify that she did not leave the wedding until after 2AM.  Her boyfriend (a world famous forensic pathologist who was quite a stud) was also at the wedding with her and was known to have driven her home.  Since she could not have been at the wedding at 12 AM and also killed her husband, it would appear that she was in the clear.  This sets up the drama.  

How can Columbo overcome the time of death and substantiate his gut feelings (which are never wrong) that it was really the wife and her boyfriend and not a random burglar?   Well, that is where the additional knowledge of forensics comes in.  If you would like to know how they “staged” this crime scene to make it look like a 12 AM hit, send me an email, but I will bet that if you watch CSI or any of the documentaries about the Body Farm, you have already figured it out. 

So what do time and forensics have to do with each other?  The answer is obvious, the more clues we have about the time of death, the easier it will be to solve the problem of whom, where and why.  Time is a key factor in the toolbox of the homicide detective.  Time is a process that marks every stage of our lives, but we are often not aware of this.  We can get a sense when we look in the mirror or see an old picture of ourselves and we realize that time has marked us.   But there is another message here as well.  Facts can be manipulated and things are not always as they seem.  We might be old in body but young at heart.  Science does not yet know how to measure the reverse aging that happens as we get wiser and more mature.  We grow younger as we are more open to life and to the changes that life brings.   A quote by the famous General Douglas MacArthur goes as follows:

"Nobody grows old by merely living a number of years. People grow old by deserting their ideals. Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up interest wrinkles the soul…You are as young as your faith, as old as your doubt, as young as your self-confidence, as old as your fear, as young as your hope, as old as your despair.” 

The Columbo shows were always about the common underdog, somewhat bumbling detective (Columbo) who must pit his wits against the super-smart, super-sophisticated, ultra scientific Ubermenschen.  In the end, Columbo always outsmarts the smartest villains.  We all revel in their defeat since inside each of us is this sense of identify with the underdog.  We have all been tyrannized at some point by one of these super-smart people who seem to hold their superiority over us.  Colombo’s victories are victories for the 99% against the 1% and we love it.  We are the 99 percent and we do not have to be losers because we are not the 1 percent.   If you look at MacArthur’s quote, you can see that each of us has the potential to win our victories against life.  No matter how famous, rich, smart, successful or young you are, the meaning of life does not lie in doing or in having but in being.  It is by giving up our dreams and hopes that we lose the battle and not by growing old.  No amount of science or forensics can measure our success in this battle. 

Go on Netflix this week and watch an old Columbo show.  No commercials you know.  Have your ever watched Columbo or CSI?  What does the passage of time each day tell you about your life?  How do you measure the success you have day to day in living a life of your choice?  What could you do to find more ways to dream and hope and love?  Have you quit the battle or are you still in their pitching?  Try reading “Beyond the Body Farm” by Dr. Bill Bass and Jon Jefferson. 

What if we should procrastinate? Maybe it is a virtue!

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today!  This is another one of those bits of exalted wisdom that we learned way back in our childhood.  It reflects the theme that I started yesterday on the “evils” of procrastination.  However, there are some who do not agree.  For instance, J. A. Spender says:  “Under the influence of this pestilent morality, I am forever letting tomorrow's work slop backwards into today's, and doing painfully and nervously today what I could do quickly and easily tomorrow.”  This quote by Spender is interesting and funny since it contradicts the advice about procrastination that dogs so many of us.  What I wrote yesterday about the perils of procrastination seemed like a good bit of wisdom to share. How many of us live by these bits of wisdom that we learn early in life and never question?  Unfortunately, life is never so simple or easy. There are usually two sides to every story and very few things in life are universally or unequivocally true.  For every bit of wisdom, there is a counterpoint.  A bit of wisdom that argues the opposite.

While there may be few absolutes, this does not mean that some old sayings and wise thoughts are not without merit.  More importantly, there is another moral here, which is that few things should simply be taken for granted.  According to Spender, there might also be a place for procrastination in our lives. If this is true, then we may be well advised to put off doing some things until tomorrow.  Perhaps, after a good night sleep, further reflection or simply having a better day, tackling the task that feels overwhelming today will be easier tomorrow.  Often I do not know where to start or what I need to do.  If I put the job off for a while, I can talk to others or do some further research. I am then able to come back to the task feeling more confident and competent.  Decision making is another area where the pros and cons of delay and reflection might well be argued by both sides.

Are you driven by doing things today that might be better handled tomorrow?  Do you always tackle the task even when you are not quite sure what you should be doing?  What sort of things do you think you would be better putting off doing until you have some help or more guidance?  What should you put off doing today, since you might just do a better job tomorrow or the day after?   How about a day for procrastination?

How to overcome the "evil" of procrastination?

Today I will talk about a subject that seems all too fitting.  Since putting my website up for new business writers, I have been guilty of this "evil"  It is the "evil" of procrastination.  Procrastination is a word to be feared, yet it is a word that we are all too familiar with. The dictionary defines it as “To postpone or delay needlessly.”  It also traces its roots to the Latin wherein pro-crastinate means to “put forward.”  Thus, when we don’t want to do something today, we put it forward until tomorrow.  Sometimes that works and other times it starts creating a kind of sandbag effect in which it just seems easier to keep putting things off.  Why do we procrastinate? Why am I procrastinating? There are many reasons. Here are some that I have found:

• I don’t know where to start
• The task seems daunting and monumental
• I am afraid I don’t have the ability
• I fear I will not be able to finish
• I am afraid of looking stupid
• I tried before and failed
• I just don’t feel like doing it

You could probably put your own list up but I would guess that it would have some similarities to my list.  Is there a secret to overcoming procrastination or a solution? I think the answer is yes.  We are all intimidated by the world.  The people that accomplish the most are the ones who find support from others. Every year at graduation, I listen to the seniors in my school talk about how they could not have made it without the help and support of someone else, usually their family, a teacher or friends. Going to college for four years is a major undertaking. We can never be sure if we will pass or graduate or even manage to pay the college loans off.  Anyone who starts school begins a very long and precarious journey.  However, as the song says “I get by with a little help from my friends.” 

When you find that you are procrastinating that can be a red flag or a signal that you need some help from a friend.  Working together we can do anything. Remember Ben Franklin's famous quote “Either we all hang together or we all hang separately.”  Why try to do it all by yourself?  Musicians, chess players, actors and sports figures all have coaches.  Coaches help us stay on track and provide moral and mental support. You may not be able to afford a high paying professional coach, but I will bet there is someone in your life that could help play this role.  Seek this person out and enlist them in your endeavor.  The secret to overcoming procrastination is to find others who can support and nurture your effort. Perhaps you can be that coach for someone else as well.

What are you putting forward today that you really need to do now?  Who can you enlist to support you mentally, physically or emotionally in your effort?  Do you need ideas or simply willpower?  Who do you know that would best provide them?  Who could you provide them for? By the end of the day, will you be able to contact them?  If not, is there someone else who could help you?  Don’t procrastinate, contact them now. You will be glad you did.