Is your day running out and you are behind?

Day running out and you still have a lot to do. There just does not seem like there is enough time in the day to do everything that needs to be done. How often does it seem like your day just runs out and you have not accomplished anything? I begin some days with great intentions to work, exercise, write, get some chores done or start a new project. Something interrupts my momentum and it can be all down hill from there. A friend calls unexpectedly. I run out of something and have to go to the store to find a replacement. The car breaks down. The weather is good, bad or terrible. There are a million things that can turn the best plans into rubbish. I started off on the right foot, but the left foot never hit the ground.

Some days my momentum never gets off the ground. I don’t even seem to start off on the right foot. I have all of these good intentions but I just do not have the energy. Perhaps life seems overwhelming or I feel depressed or I ate too much the day before. I want to crawl into a hole and hide. I feel like a failure and the day has not even started. I need to get kick started. I need a coach or something to get me motivated. As my day begins to run out, I may try to put on a last minute burst of work to get some things done, or I might just say the heck with it. I will do it tomorrow.

Maybe, how we feel at the beginning of the day is life sending us a message. “Take it easy today; you have been stressing yourself out too much.” “Get in gear, you are full of energy and today is a great day to get things done.” We need to allow life to talk to us and to follow our more natural rhythms of ups and downs. Not every day is a barn burner or “I just climbed Mt. Everest day.” Allow a cycle of work, play and rest to become part of your life. Maybe we would all live longer and enjoy life more if we had more “down” days.

Does your life seem to follow natural cycles of play, rest and work? How do you think your life would be if it did? What would you have to change to create a more natural cycle time in your life? When was the last time you had a day just running out and you really did not care?

Can you make time run up instead of out?

Is Time running up or is time running down? Yes, we usually hear the phrase “time is running down”, but what if time were running up? It’s hard to conceive of the idea since we are all so conditioned to think of time as only running one way. We use up time which causes us to think of it as running out or down. But think of time as a substance. For instance, if time were like water, you could fill a cup up with it. You could pour time into the cup. Instead of time running out, you have time running in. The problem would seem to be to find a faucet from which to refill your cup with time.

If time and money are interchangeable then we should be able to amass time. Just as a bank account could grow, so should a time account be able to grow. What if today instead of turning 60, I turned 59. Impossible you say. However, what if I turned back the clock by stopping smoking? What if I stopped drinking and started exercising? What if I gave up some unhealthy actions, overcame cancer, stopped speeding, reduced stress, moved to a safer neighborhood? If I did any of these actions, I could literally refill my life with extra time. Time would then be running up for me. The more healthy actions I take, the more my time would run up. If you do not believe this is possible, look at insurance charts that denote lifespan and longevity. On the average, the less health risks you have, the longer you will live. Thus, eliminate each health risk and you will refill your cup with more time for living. Not only will you have more time for living, but it will be higher quality time as you will be healthier and happier.

Have you ever seen anyone that suddenly looked younger instead of older? How many people do you know that have time running up for them? Which way is your time going? What could you do to put some time back into your cup? Maybe it will never run over, but it is possible to fill it up a little bit every so often. What one action could you take today to refill your cup of time?

What symbols of time have meaning to you?

Time can and often is represented by a symbol or object. Some of the more notable symbols include: pendulums, the New Year’s baby, count down music, sun dials, rust, cobwebs, dust, the Grim Reaper, tarot cards, astrology signs, old shoes, antiques, and there are many more. These symbols or objects have all become associated with the passage of time for various reasons. The Grim Reaper represents death while the New Year’s baby represents birth. Rust and cobwebs both represent something old. Count down music, sun dials and hour glasses represent the passage of time. Each object has a history and its own association with time. Merely seeing one of these objects creates a myriad of associations within our minds as to time and its relevance to our lives.

Perhaps one of our most familiar and lovable associations lies in our fascination with antiques. Some people love antiques simply because they are old. In the original Star Trek series, Captain Kirk loved old books. This perplexed Lt. Spock since he felt that e-readers and the computer reader were much more practical. Spock could not fathom the need to associate with a symbol of the past. Most antiques represent some type of emotional association for us. The old desk that was just like our grandfathers desk. The egg beater that was just like the one our mom used to make us pancakes with every Sunday morning after church. Antiques remind us of the past and of our own transience in the present. They bring the past to life and help us to live it over and over again. Our Grandfather and mom can live on in the antiques we surround ourselves with. Symbols have meaning in the present due to the emotional attachments they help to recreate.

What are some symbols of time that are important to you? What symbols help you connect to your past? What are some antiques that you must dearly love? What meaning and emotions do these have for you? Why? Do you value old things more or new? Why? What if there were no antiques in the world?

Can we stop killing each other?

It’s killing time! The papers are full of it. You can hardly pick up a newspaper or listen to the TV without hearing of another murder or atrocity. Each day seems to bring fresh carnage. Each instance is more unbelievable then the last. It seems there is no end to the mayhem that can be perpetrated on our fellow human beings.

For too many of us, life seems to hold little value. We have all seen the headlines, wherein some stranger kills someone for a few dollars or even for “no” dollars. Two suspects in a string of murders in Arizona were reported to have described their acts as: “random recreational violence.” We no longer need motives for killing people.

Are you appalled by such a thought as “random recreational violence? How long before we become accustomed to such killings and simply take them for granted? There are over 50, 000 highway deaths every year in the USA, but we hardly lose a minute of sleep over them unless it is someone we know. The rest of the deaths we simply chalk up to the price of living in an advanced industrial economy. Will we get to the point where “random recreational violence” is seen as the cost of living in the twenty first century? Will be become so jaded, that we simply turn the page or go to sleep without another thought as to the victims? God forbid it! God forbid it!

But what can you do? What can we do? You might wish to become a vigilante but that would not really solve anything. Is there a solution? Why does crime seem to keep intensifying? What can we personally do to stop the killing time? The simple answer lies in the personal actions that we can all take to avoid violence and harm.

Do you support peace? Do you oppose capital punishment? Do you oppose death to all people? Do you support charities that promote peace work? Do you believe that all killing is wrong? Do you look for other solutions to promote peace in the world? Can you find a charity now that supports some peace work and either get on their mailing list or send them some money? What if everyone in the world really supported peace and non-violence? You are either part of the problem or part of the solution. There can be no in between.

Why not wind the clock up again?

“You can’t turn back the clock, but you can wind it up again” (Bonnie Prudden). This is a very profound and optimistic thought. We may not be able to change some things we have done, but we can start over again. I have not always been the easiest person to get along with. My first marriage was often a rocky road and my second marriage has not been without its blemishes. However, the second one is working much better. I think there are several reasons for this, but maturity and experience have contributed a great deal to its success. We have learned many different techniques which have helped us to deal better with the rocks in the road. Sometimes when Karen and I get into an argument, we say to each other “Can we start over again?” This little phrase has helped us deal with many difficulties. It does not always immediately end our argument, but it always gives us a sense that we are willing to try again with a new approach. We both appreciate the chance to wind the clock up again.

Life is full of many difficulties. We cannot always avoid the problems that come our way. If we were all omniscient, we might be able to plan our lives to avoid making any mistakes, but none of us are omniscient. However, we can all start over again. We all have the power to wind the clock back up. We can face life each day and start anew. It is a choice open to all of us. You may want to ask forgiveness of god, yourself or others if this helps you but it is not a requirement for starting over. The only requirement is that you do not want your life to continue on its present path. You want to find a new direction to travel. Only by constantly winding the clock up again can we all find the directions that will lead us to a more promising future.

What in your life needs a new approach? Where can you wind the clock up again? What do you want to stop doing that has not been helpful in your life? Einstein said that a “definition of craziness was to keep doing the same thing and expect different results”. What are you being “crazy” over? Can you stop doing this and wind the clock up again?

What does May mean to you?

May, in many parts of the world, May Day is a day to celebrate. In some countries, it recognizes the role of labor and the worker. Elsewhere, it is an opportunity to dance around the Maypole. A dance some see as celebrating spring and the nearness of summer. Others speculate the origins of the dance stem from ancient pagan fertility rites. Maypole dancing was described by the Puritans as ‘a heathenish vanity’ and was accordingly banned. (Wikipedia). Today, you can dance all you want and not have to worry about being burned at the stake as a “heathen.” Isn’t progress wonderful?

In the USA, Memorial Day (usually at the end of May) celebrates the sacrifices of our soldiers and veterans to help keep America and the world safe. Many simply see the end of May as the beginning of summer. It is a time when beaches, parks and outdoor venues open their gates. Students see May as the “end” of school; a time to graduate, look for a real job and of course attend graduation or prom parties. Have you noticed how graduation now seems a much bigger deal than it did years ago? High School kids have elaborate graduation parties, rent tuxes, gowns and limousines and go to places I could not afford until I was in my forties. Time keeps marching on and customs all over the world keep changing.

What customs do you have in your life? How have they changed over the years? Were the changes for the better or worse? What is special about May for you?

What is a New York minute?

A New York minute is an interesting term. A New York minute is a fast, frantic, in-year-face, speedy and harried measure of time. It is the opposite of the stereotypical Southern minute where time is slow and unhurried. Years ago, if you had been to Alabama and New York, you would have seen the difference in time immediately. Of course, today everyplace is changing and (I fear) there has been an exorable move towards the NY standard. I am from New York and despite having lived in the Midwest for over thirty years; I still get accused of being on New York time. Probably because I do almost everything fast and have been multi-tasking before the word was coined. In my own mind, I have slowed down considerably from when I was an “East Coaster” and I enjoy the Midwest because things (at least when I first arrived) seemed slower and mellower out here. Perhaps, it has to do with the farm cycle versus the industrial cycle.

It is interesting that we allow time zones to measure our time but we don’t use “specific place” zones, except in slang. For instance, how would a Minneapolis minute compare to a San Francisco minute or a New England minute? Today, they might all be about the same. Thus, the term a NY minute is slowly passing out of use as we all become mini New Yorkers. However, there are still places in the world that are not on NY time and perhaps you will get to visit one someday. Even in parts of the US, there are places where the culture is not vested in moving fast. One can take a trip to the Boundary Waters in Northern Minnesota or up Lake Chelan in Washington to Holden Village. At these places, the emphasis is not on how many things you can get done or how much you can accomplish in 24 hours. There is a totally different emphasis.
In the Boundary Waters, you smell the flowers and you live according to paddle time or fishing time. At Holden Village, the emphasis is on spirituality and finding your true center of being. At both places, you forget time and you begin to live by the more ancient cycles of the sun, moon and stars. I have been to both of these places and I want to go back someday. The peace and serenity you find at each is truly beyond description.

Have you ever been to New York? Where would you like to go that is not on NY time? How do you expect time would be for you there? What if time was like that for you right here and now? What if in your own residence, you could set your own time standards? What would they be? Would you slow your life down or speed it up? What do you think a good measure of a life well lived would be?

What does it mean to be on time?

“The World on Time” is the FedEx vision. What is FedEx’s success rate at being on time? I have found various figures, but even if they hit 99 percent, with 10 million plus packages delivered daily, that means that 100,000 packages are late each day. However, who defines FedEx’s on-time rate? Probably not the same people who work for delivery companies. I seldom seem to ever get anything delivered when I want it. I call up delivery people to have something delivered and the usual refrain I hear is something like: “We can be there between 8-12 or 12-5.” Thus, telling me that because they cannot be more specific as to their delivery time, I will have to waste ½ of a day waiting for them. I would love to find someone who would say “We will be there between 12 and 1.” In our time obsessed world, is the best anyone can do a four hour time slot? Can you imagine if movies or concerts worked on a four hour time slot or a 99 percent rate of starting on time? We would have a lot of unhappy people.

How many of us would love to have the world be on time? Of course, what we want most is for the world to be on “our” time. Few of us really like to be on someone else’s time. Being on time primarily depends on who defines the time. A few years ago Northwest Airlines had a perfect rate for on time departures. In practice, they would simply pull away from the gate, park the plane and call this an “on time” departure. While being on time might seem like an objective reality, it can depend to a large extent on how “on time” is defined. I know people who define being on time as coming anywhere from one hour late to two hours late for an appointment.

What is your ideal vision of being on time? Are you continually frustrated by late people, late deliveries and late arrivals? Would you be happier if the world was more on time? What if it were the other way around? What if no one cared about being on time? Would you be happier if the world was more relaxed about time? Do you think we can have it both ways? How could we go about doing that?

When was the last time you were right on time?

Right on time! This phrase could be seen as a compliment. I would guess most of us would take it that way. Another way of looking at it might be to say, you were correct or exactly on the time we agreed on. Whatever way you look at it, most of us appreciate it when someone is “right on time.” Generally we reply to a compliment with a “thank you.” However, few people ever seem to answer: “thank you” to someone who is on time. I wonder why we don’t seem to recognize people who are complimenting us for being on time? Do we simply expect people to be on time? Therefore, it is not really worth a real compliment.

If you think about it, being on time is not such a common phenomenon. In fact, if you think about it, it is not very common at all. How many times each week have you gone to a meeting that started late or that several people showed up late for? How many events that you showed up for on time started late? I have often seen them delay a plane take off because a bunch of people were arriving late. Of course, I feel bad for the people who might miss their flight but I am also concerned over my connections and missing my departure schedules. You are sitting on the plane wondering how long they will wait for the late comers.

Being on time is not a natural state of affairs. People who are on time have to work at it. It is not easy to be on time. A great deal of effort, responsibility and planning are needed to be “right on time.” Any time someone does something that makes your life more pleasant, isn’t it worth a compliment? When people show up on time, it makes my life easier and more pleasant. No one today has a great deal of time to waste just sitting around waiting for someone who is irresponsible and thoughtless. Yes, sometimes accidents happen. However, have you ever noticed that they always seem to happen to the same people? The same people are late over and over again. Thus, maybe we syould compliment those people who work at being on time.

What if you started thanking the people in your life who were right on time? How would they react? Would they feel more appreciated? Would you like to be more appreciated for the effort you make to be right on time? Would being acknowledged for or acknowledging the effort by others to be right on time make any difference in your friendships or in your life?

Are you a long or short-term thinker?

A common refrain in many organizations is “Always time to do it over, never time to do it right.” How often have you seen this in your company? When I was consulting, it was one of the most popular problems we dealt with. I would repeatedly hear employees use these words to describe how things were done in their workplace. It was no wonder that American quality fell behind that of the Japanese during the eighties. We became a country where we did little or no long term thinking or planning. Our planning horizon was sixteen weeks. This is the length of time between quarterly reports. Our goal was firmly fixed on the corporate stock price. Could we have a more fickle or less worthwhile target? We are so busy doing things short term that we find it easier to fix the problems this creates rather than thinking things through and avoiding the problems in the first place. We ignore the old admonition that “an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.”

When I look back to the date I started consulting (September 1986), I ask myself, “Have we changed?” As a nation and as a people, are we looking any more long-term? Have we moved away from simplistic measures of success? Are we looking at more forward thinking or are we still primarily reacting to changes? What about personally? Do you think long-term or are you primarily always reacting to short-term crisis? Do you plan for the future or are you focused simply on what problems and troubles today will bring? What role does long-term thinking play in your life? What would your answers to these questions be?

I would love to hear your answers to these questions. If you care to, send your replies to me at persico.john@comcast.net or post your comments.

Can you control the past?

We have all hear the phrase or said “I wish I could turn back the hands of time.” Have you ever thought how this could be done with a digital clock? We no longer can turn back hands. We now must press buttons. Thus, progress and time marches on and on and on. However, what if we could get progress to march backwards? What if we could turn back the hands of time? Imagine all the events that it would be possible to alter. Would we be smart enough to prevent disasters? For instance, what if we could go back to the beginning of WW II? Would we be able to find a way to stop Hitler and the Holocaust? What if we could go back to the assassination of Julius Caesar? You could grab him by the toga and warn him that his best friend was going to kill him. Do you think he would believe you? If there were a way to turn the clock back, who would have the power to do so? Can you imagine everyone running back into history to change things? Who would decide what to change?

But let us imagine just for today, that you had the power to turn your clock back. What time would you turn it back to? Where would you turn it back to? Then what would you do? What would you use your power to change or do differently? Would you try to save the world or simply undo some stupid things that you personally did?

Sadly, we all seem to forget that while we can not take back any actions or words that hurt others in the past, we can make amends for them today. What if you made a list of things that you would like to change in the past and started today to make amends for those things? Could you pick one thing you would like to make amends for each week and work on it? How would you feel? How would this change your life? You really do control your own destiny.

What does Springtime mean for you?

Summer is now in the air in Minnesota but I think it is still Spring I love best. Spring, the time of year when we start thinking about taking out the lawnmowers, planning vacations, worrying about taxes, planting flowers and getting outside more. The cold weather and short days are behind us and we get peeks at the eventual coming of summer. The buds have appeared on the trees; snow is gone, lent is over and green becomes the dominant color. The apple blossoms, tulips and lilacs are georgeous this year. Each Spring seems to have its own personality. Spring signifies renewal and rebirth. The cycle of life starts again with Spring.

For each of us, Spring brings a different set of meanings and a different response. Some of us will think of romance. Springtime in Paris seems magical and many of us have visions (or perhaps memories of visiting Paris in the Spring. Imagine romance, beauty, and Spring in one of the most beautiful cities in the world. For me, I start thinking of motorcycling. Between my wife and I, we have five bikes that we put away each winter. Spring is the beginning of riding season. However, first we need to do oil changes and tune-ups on each bike. Some will start easily and others will not.

If you are a gardener, no doubt you are making your rounds to the various greenhouses and flower shops. There are so many different varieties to choose from. Each has its own beauty and grace. You will have to get your soil ready and decide how much space to allocate to each and when the best time to plant is. In Minnesota, you must be careful not to plant too early. As I am writing this, we are just past a week where May saw us having more snow despite the fact we are well into spring. But what does the calendar really know about the weather. It is only a dumb piece of cardboard and paper. The real time is what I am looking at out my window today.

Then there are those who hate winter. If you fall into this category, you may be flying back from your safe nest someplace to the colder climates which are just beginning to thaw out. We call these people snowbirds in Minnesota. They fly south every winter like the ducks and geese only to return when Spring comes again. They would love Minnesota if they could leave out the five months between November and March that we call Winter.

What does Spring mean to you? When you think of the Springtime, what memories does it evoke? What do you look forward to doing most in the Spring? What hobbies, plans, dreams or desires does Spring bring for you each year? Has your concept of Spring changed over the years? What will Spring bring for you this year? You will have five more weeks of it until Summer.

When have you experienced timeliness?

Timelessness is that state when time does not seem to matter or when time seems suspended. It is those points, episodes or events in our life when time does not seem to flow or when we are totally unaware of the passage of time. I remember spending ten days in the Boundary Waters in Northern Minnesota. It took about a week for me to stop thinking of time and to stop looking at my watch. After that, I was almost totally unaware of the passage of time. Life seemed to slow down so that each moment I focused on could have lasted forever. Only the shifting of my mind caused any movement in the world or so it seemed. Schedules, to-do-lists, appointments all disappeared.

I moved when I wanted to, paddled when and where I wanted to, ate and rested when I wanted to and not by the movements of the hands on my watch. Time became non-existent except by virtue of the sun, moon and stars. Clock time, machine time, watch time, 24 hour schedules no longer existed for me. After leaving the Boundary Waters, it took me a few days for reentry. I had to reenter the world of schedules and work-time. I had to adjust again to time where we take a break on a schedule and count the days until the weekend.

Have you ever experienced a state of timelessness? When was the last time that time no longer mattered for you? What events or episodes in your life have evoked a state of timelessness for you? What where they like? Did you find them enjoyable? Do you wish you could have more experiences of timelessness? How often do you have any experiences of timelessness? Do you suppose this is a skill that could be developed or do you think it just happens? What if you could develop a skill to create timelessness whenever you wanted to? What would life be like for you if you could suspend time whenever you wanted or needed to?

Are you renewing your relationships?

And I think I will keep you here,
deep within my heart.
Today...tomorrow...forever...and a day! (From Forever and a Day, by Cindy Heavican)

Songs can tell us a great deal about the feelings associated with time. Forever and a day! What a beautiful thought. When we marry someone, our thoughts are like in this song. Our hope is that our love and our happiness together will last long after our earthly bodies have withered away. Poems and stories are full of tales of love that have somehow transcended time. Some of these stories, like Romeo and Juliet, are now timeless themselves.

We would all like to think that our love will last forever and a day. We marvel at those people for whom this seems to hold true. We may know a special couple who never seem to tire of each other and who are always loving and caring towards each other. Perhaps a father and mother who have been married for sixty some odd years and who still seem like newlyweds. Or friends who despite the longevity of their marriage treat each day as thought it was the first day of their marriage.

What distinguishes these unique relationships from so many others wherein apathy and even hatred sometimes replace love? The TV, newspapers and crime novels are full of stories where love turned to hatred and one spouse killed another. Can we blame time? Does familiarity breed contempt? Do we simply get tired of people like we get tired of the same old song repeatedly heard? I want to say no, let’s not blame time. If we must find something to blame, perhaps we must start with ourselves. Time can age all things and cause them to decay and rot. Time also allows all things to be renewed, repaired and restored.

What happens if we don’t renew ourselves and our relationships? Of course, they just get older and not better. They may rot from within. Think about yourself today. Are you renewing, repairing or restoring yourself? Or are you just getting older and decaying? We can make a choice. We cannot turn the clock back but we can move forward with it.

What value do you place on reading?

Book time is my favorite time. This is when I am already past the startup of a new novel and I find the time to just sit down and relax with it. I often go into an old bedroom in our house as it somehow seems more peaceful. It might be just before going to bed or sometimes when I have nothing to do. The world never seems more peaceful. It feels like hiding in a cave. When I was a child, book time was when I would go to the library. I discovered libraries at an early age and it was like discovering paradise.

Libraries were peaceful and quiet and full of all the ideas, fantasies, mysteries and great things of the world. I fell in love with books there. I probably love books more than anything in the world. I love them not only because of what they represent, but because of where they can take you and what they can make you. When I was young, knowledge was power and information was a precious resource. The balance of power has shifted now due to modern technology and the internet.

We seem to live in a society that seems more and more obsessed by sports. It is a society where star athletes are heroes and computer geeks are nerds. It is a society that places more value on baseballs, footballs and basketballs than on books and reading. Perhaps foolishly, I dream of a society where towns have signs up for leading academic students and not just for the “football champions of 03.” I dream of a society where music coaches and art teachers are as highly paid as NCAA athletic coaches. I dream of a society where as many students show up to watch the debating matches and chess matches as show up for the basketball games. I dream of a society where there are no such thing as nerds and geeks and where brains are as exciting as muscles.

Do you read enough? Do you value ideas as much as you value “who won the Superbowl?” Do you spend as much time reading as you do watching TV? Do you concern yourself with politics and culture as much as you do with popular sports and Hollywood celebrities? Do your children? Why not? Do you think your life might be different if you valued ideas more? What might change?

Do you know what Mad time is?

Do you know what “Mad” time is? It is time we waste when we are mad at others or the world. Road Rage is an extreme example of “Mad” time. How many lives have been wasted because of one single incident on a highway that took less than five seconds? Yet, when Mad time takes over, a single incident can turn into wasted hours, weeks and even wasted lives. Mad time has a notorious propensity to escalate and keep on escalating. One single incident turns neighbors into lifelong enemies. One single incident turns friends, lovers and family members into people that now hate and despise each other. Mad time is a vicious gift that keeps on giving. It gives more and more time to continue hating and loathing and despising others. Nothing is more pernicious or insidious than Mad time. Of course, you are right. Of course, it was not your fault. Of course, they were being jerks. Of course, they should apologize. How much time will you now spend thinking about what they did wrong and how you were insulted or maligned?

Have you ever sent an email that you wanted to retrieve? Did it cause you problems when you could not retrieve it? How much time did it take to send the email versus the time it cost you to fix the problems you created by sending it? Have you ever said something you wish you could take back? How much time did it take you to make up for this one lapse of patience. This is Mad time at work. Mad time can consume us.

In business, one looks at costs versus benefits and it is called a Cost-Benefit Analysis. Perhaps we should have a process for doing at “Mad Time Analysis.” Before we shoot off that angry letter, before we yell at the other driver, before we say those angry words, we need to do a cost benefit on the time it will cost us to make amends or the time that it could take out of our lives to repair the damage our actions might cause. How much time will it save or waste versus the time it took us to be angry and retaliatory?

Sometimes, you can never undue the damage that one minute of haste or one minute of anger can do. Are you a Mad-aholic? Do you get off on spending Mad time and then dealing with it? What if you had less Mad time in your life? Can you start reducing your Mad time by redirecting your anger? What could you do when you are angry rather than retaliate? Think about how much better your life would be with less Mad time.

What are you anticipating today?

Anticipatory time is that time when we are waiting for something to happen. It is when we know in advance that something will happen. Whether it is good or bad, when we are anticipating something, it can seem like forever. Time can move very slowly when we are in an anticipatory mood. Those of us who like to plan may try to control these events. I plan my vacations two to three years ahead. I love the anticipation. For instance, Karen (my spouse) and I had decided to go to Peru in two years. It was fun for me to think what it would be like to climb Machu Picchu and to take the train in Peru. I am anticipating that we will take a small boat ride up the Amazon River. In my mind, everything works fine. I anticipate no problems. I planned my first overseas trip twenty five years ago. Since the first, Karen and I have gone on 17 trips to 29 different countries. Each trip was planned more than two years in advance. We post pictures of where we want to go, buy books, get maps, contact people, get local newspapers and get more and more excited as the day draws near. In many ways, our anticipatory time goes very fast. There are so many details and so much to work out to make sure that everything goes as we anticipate.

However, regardless of how much we try to control the time in our lives, there are inevitably events we cannot control. On Monday morning, your boss says “I want to see you in my office on Friday.” Your annual performance evaluation, an important presentation or an upcoming court date are just a few of the many different events that will create “anticipatory time” in our lives. Some of these events will not be ones that we would choose. These will create “negative” anticipatory time. I call this the time we have to wait that is not fun and that creates stress in our lives. Positive anticipatory time may also go slow but it is time that is fun to think about and where we are anxious for the time to move fast. In both cases, we want the time to go by but in one case, it is with positive anticipation and the other with negative anticipation.

What do you like to anticipate in your life? Are you in control over your anticipations or do you just go with the flow? Would more planning help you to have more fun with anticipation? What can you do to minimize the “negative” anticipation in your life? Are you leading the type of balanced life that helps to minimize stress and problems? If not, how can you get more balance in your life? A balanced life will have less negative and more positive anticipatory time.

Is today the best day of your life?

This is the best time in the world. There is no better time than now. Perhaps today it might sound foolish to say this. Perhaps tomorrow it might sound foolish. To some it will always sound foolish. There are those who might say it is looking at the world with rose colored glasses. Others might attribute it to a foolish optimism. Very few would see it as a statement of realism. It will never be possible to prove it as a statement of fact. Yet, it determines to a large extent what we do with our lives and what we attempt to do in the world.

When you believe that the world feels wonderful, it changes your whole perspective on life. On the days when I can grasp this thought, there is no other place I want to be. Things are going just right, all is well. I feel healthy, happy and contented. I am not unhappy with the right wing or left wing or chaos anywhere in the world. I can just accept the world for what it is. It is a wonderful feeling. I sometimes wish the feeling could last forever. I think of the quote from Dickens that: “this is the best of all possible worlds.” Where else could I go?

If we look around us, we can see a beautiful place full of beautiful people and extraordinary places and opportunities. Of course, we can see the opposite if we are minded to. There will always be war, hatred, killing and violence. It is part of human nature. But are you part of the problem or part of the solution? If you are not doing your share to end the problems of the world, why complain about them? Take some time to end violence, to end poverty and to end war. But for today, try to find only the good out there.

See if you can find three things that make you happy or three good things that you like about the world. Try to be aware today of the good things in your life. Write them down and look at them again when you wake up tomorrow. See if you can feel why this is the best of all possible times and the best of all possible worlds. Tomorrow can be even better. Can you make the choice?

Do you have a time capsule? Why not?

Time capsules! I want to open a time capsule. When I was a small boy, I was truly fascinated by the whole idea of a time capsule. It seemed so Buck Rogers like. You take parts of present civilization, put them in a non-destructible container, bury it in the ground and then 1000 years later, you open it up. I did not believe anything could be more interesting. I hoped someday that I could be present at the opening of one. I thought surely sometime during my lifetime, a time capsule from the past would be opened and I could be present when it was opened. How exciting it would be! I would be able to see what people of generations long ago thought was important. The messages and memories sent by the people from generations past to the generations of the future. Only now I could be there to be part of history. I longed to find out what wisdom the people from the past would have to share with us now. What knowledge had been forgotten and would now be revived. What treasures would be revealed from the capsule.

Well, I see they are still burying time capsules and occasionally I see that a time capsule has been opened. Sadly, I still have not been present when any were opened. Either my timing or my location has not been right. Perhaps it is time that I made my own time capsule. Have you ever thought about making a time capsule for your children or grandchildren? Why not? You could just take a large Tupperware container for the capsule. Make sure anything that you put in it is well wrapped in baggies or some type of plastic to prevent moisture from getting in. Date it with a permanent ink marker. Find a place to bury it and put some sort of marker on the spot. Find a place on the internet where time capsules are listed and post yours.

Now comes the fun part. What would you put in it? What treasures, thoughts or ideas would you like your grandchildren to know about you many years from now? Where would you “bury” it for them to open? When would you permit them to open it? Think of the reactions on their faces when they found the messages and treasures you left for them. No doubt you would make some little boy or girl very happy. I know I would be if I opened your time capsule.

Do you have any crying time in your life?

Crying time is more acceptable for women than men. Nevertheless, even men have their crying times. Crying time most likely occurs over a tragic death, when we lose a relationship, attend a funeral or feel badly about something we did. Paradoxically, many people cry when they are happy, for instance at weddings. Others cry when they are angry.

For men, there is less crying time than for women. I have often wondered what the purpose of crying is or how the function developed. What evolutionary or biological purpose does crying serve? There are those that say that only music truly sets us apart from lower creatures, but do animals cry? I have seen sadness in some of my pets, but I cannot say I have ever seen an animal crying. For myself, I cannot say that I cry very much. This is not to say that I never cry. I have cried tears of sadness and tears of pain but I cannot remember ever crying tears of joy or tears of anger. There are certain stories that will always bring tears to my eyes. “The Little Match-girl” is one of them. I have never seen a production of the story or read the story without crying.

When my first wife and I separated, it seems like I spent one entire week crying. Crying seemed purposeless at the time. However, after the release of disappointment and emotional uplifting, I was leading my life again solo without looking back and trying to resurrect the relationship. The crying allowed me to let go of things and to move forward with my future. So maybe crying would be a better release for many people than the displays of anger and abuse we often witness in our society. I can’t say that thoughts of anger and retribution at finding my wife in bed with another man did not cross my mind. They certainly did but I did not act on them.

What would it take to make crying more acceptable for men as well as for women? Would it decrease abuse and rage in our society if we encouraged men to spend more crying time? What about teenagers and the problems with school violence and suicide? Could more crying time be an antidote to these problems? What role does crying play in your life? Do you find crying to be helpful? Do you cry enough?

How do cycles affect your life?

Run time! No, this is not the run time for my computer. This is my personal running time. I have been running regularly for 35 years. On the average, I run about 5 times a week and about 3 to 4 miles each run. I am still waiting for the runners “high” where I can feel nothing but blissful peace. I really enjoy running but through the years, there have been numerous pains and hurts to overcome. It seems to get harder running in the winter. I suppose running is a great deal like life, it has its ups and downs and it only gets better when we keep working at it. There are no magical highs (except for temporary ones on drugs) but in general, the pleasure I get from running out weighs the pain. I no longer try to increase my running speed or my distances. I will not be an Olympic marathoner nor am I training for my 101st marathon. I like to say I am a “maintenance” runner. That is my schedule is set up to maintain my present level of fitness. For my age, I am in reasonably good health. I am five foot eight inches tall and I weigh about 140 lbs. I feel good and have not been to surgery or to the doctor for anything serious yet in my life. I pray it will remain the same for the next ten years.

What does running have to do with time? I find that by doing “maintenance” running, I notice my running times go in cycles with the seasons. I run more in the late summer and fall and less in the winter and spring. At first I was worried at these dips in my “maintenance” schedule. Then, I read that it is natural to go with a cycle and that it lets my body recover. Just like winter allows the earth to recover before it starts to bud out in spring and emerge more glorious in summer. As each year progresses, I find that I am running farther and farther and enjoying it more and more. As winter sets in again, I slow down and with the shorter days, my runs become shorter and shorter. Spring is when I start feeling like increasing my runs and distance, though I feel sluggish after the long winter in Minnesota. My body and running seem to respond to the same cycles as the earth.

Have you ever found a cycle to your life? What activities or efforts in your life seem cyclical? Do you fight your cycles or do you allow yourself to “go with the flow.” How have cycles made a difference in your life? Would better managing your natural cycles improve your life?

How important is time to you?

Polls show Americans like instant gratification. A recent AP Poll showed that Americans are an impatient bunch. We get antsy after a few minutes on hold; we hate to wait in grocery stores or in airports. Older people are more impatient than younger people. People in the country are just a little more patient than city people but not by much. This poll was based on 1003 adults. Most people answered they felt more time poor than money poor. Benjamin Franklin said that time was money and many of us take this truth to heart.

The findings from this AP Poll will probably not surprise anyone but it is significant in that today we are beginning to value time more than money. Economic theory or the Law of supply and Demand says that the scarcer something is the more valuable it will be. If we now have less time than money, then time will become proportionally more valuable to us. People who can afford Hummers and other such luxuries may have a surplus of money but there are only 24 hours in a day. No matter who you are or how much money you have, the time you have is fixed. You cannot buy another minute in a day or another second in your life. You may work overtime to acquire more toys or to display a luxury lifestyle image but rich or poor you share the same amount of time each day as everyone else. Time will become more and more precious while the things in your life will soon lose their luster. Bling only blings so long and then goes out of style.

What if we wanted less? What if we spent less time shopping and buying and acquiring things? Would you be happier with less things and more time? How does buying and spending keep you from enjoying your time and relaxing more? How does owning so many toys affect your life? What if you adopted the virtue of frugality? Would you trade your things for more time to spend with those you love? Would your life be happier if it were simpler?

How much patience do you have?

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” (Paul, 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7).

This quote has probably been read at more weddings than any other quote in history. When you hear this quote, do you think about the connection between patience, love and time? Probably not! You might even be wondering what time has to do with love and patience. Well, patience is the ability to wait and let time go without being unduly stressed. It is the ability to tolerate delays in time and delays in our scheduled activities. Patience is tolerance of others whose time frames and time manners may not be the same as ours. Most of us have a different view of what it means to be late or on time. Different cultures and different upbringings bestow quite a bit of variation on the concept of timeliness. If you are obsessed with you definition of what it means to be “on-time”, no doubt you will be stressed a great deal. You may also earn the dislike of those who feel you are too rigid and absorbed with your own priorities.

Are you patient in traffic with those who are too slow and wait too long at a red light? Are you patient with people in lines at the airport, grocery store or gas station? Are you patient with the elderly, the frail, and the disabled? Why should we be patient? Why should we love others? Do you only give love to those you care about? Ask your loved ones if you are patient. Patience is a kind of gift we can give to everyone. Patience is a gift of manners and caring for those who are slower, weaker or perhaps just different than we are. Why give patience? Indeed, why give love to others at all? The more love you have for others, the more will be returned to you. Patience is a practice that we can get better at, but we must periodically stop our clocks or we cannot learn to be patient. Turn off the clock a few times a day. Forget about the time. Take a break to breath and do nothing. The gift of time you give to yourself will be a gift that you can give others. How does it feel?

How much quality time do you spend with your children?

Children Time! The experts all say that the best thing to spend on your children is your time. Nevertheless, toys have become a substitute for time spent with children today. How much money is spent on children’s toys each year? How many parents do you see who try to buy their kid’s affections with toys? Children are inundated with toys, video games, TV, and countless other throw-away items. We bury our kids with an avalanche of toys and mindless distractions. The toys and the interest in the toys do not seem to last as long as the batteries. Once upon a time, children if they were good got a special toy at Christmas or on their birthday. Today, every day is toy day for kids. I have seen friends who have children with so many toys you can barely walk through their houses. Many motorcycle clubs have a ride each year called “Toys for Tots” to buy toys for any children who do not some. However, the real problem is too many toys for children. Too many toys and not enough time with our children!

Have you noticed that kids seem more angry (witness the increasing school violence) today. They are certainly getting fatter (due in some small part to all the toys they have that prevent them from getting real exercise). I see young kids riding down the street on motorized skate boards and motorized scooters instead of pedaling or pushing a regular skate board. They are inevitably overweight or obese. Computer sports games and other on-line competitive games have replaced real sports for many kids. Of course, there are those kids whose parents are grooming them for the NFL or NBA or NHL and these poor kids get to go to so many sports events they lose track. Followed by the inevitable coach parent, they will probably learn to hate sports as something that is a duty rather than something you can do for fun. I wonder how many of these sport-aholic parents and children will appreciate exercise for exercise sake or will really enjoy the parent child time spent together?

Regardless of how much we give our children or how many sporting events we make our children attend, the thing they will remember the most and that will have the most impact on their lives will be the quality of the time we spend with them. Quality time is time spend interacting with our children. This does not mean watching TV with them or even going to their soccer games and baseball games. It is time spent relating to them and sharing parent wisdom, guidance and experience with them. It is time spent camping with your children, roller skating, ice skating, skiing or playing tennis with them. It is time spent reading a story to or with them. It is time spent helping them with their homework or doing chores around the house with them. It is time spent during the entire cycle of your children’s lives from infant to old-age. Parent child time will change as they grow older but it does not diminish in terms of the quality of the interaction that is important.

How much time do you spend doing things with your children, with your grandchildren? Do you read to your children, play games with them, take walks with them? How much quality time do your spend with your children versus just “busy” time? What could you do to increase the quality of the time you spend with your children and with your family? Would this improve your live or their lives or both?

What do you do on vacations?

Vacation time rings with promises of exotic trips or simply times to do nothing. Is vacation time a form of leisure time or is it something different? The variations in what people do for vacations are truly amazing. Some of us have vacations that we need a second vacation to recover from while others simply stay home and catch up on housework or chores that never seem to get done during the year. Some of us take vacations that challenge the mind and body in terms of fitness and stamina, while others visit relatives and friends that they have not seen for years. I had a former boss who told me that I was given vacation time so that I would be able to scout the competition. I knew a baker whose idea of a fun vacation was to visit bakeries all over the world and trade recipes with other bakers. One of my best friends took vacations to places that were peaceful, calm and unremarkable. She emphasized that she did not want to go anyplace where she would feel obliged to visit a museum or go on a tour. She strictly wanted to relax and spend a week without thinking about anything. For some of us, vacations will not be leisurely while for others the opposite seems true. I have met many people who say that they never take vacations.

Vacation time evokes different meanings for each of us. What do vacations mean for you? Do you take vacations? If so, do you plan your vacations or do they just happen? Do you see vacations as a time to grow and learn new things or are they a time to relax and recover from the world? Have you ever thought of changing the type of vacations you do take? What prevents you from experimenting with a new type of vacation?

How much leisure time do you have?

Perhaps the most valued time in our modern world is our “leisure time.” Everyone wants more leisure time. Few of us have enough of it or think we do. But do you know what the word leisure means? Without a dictionary, we would all define it very differently. For what is one person’s leisure (working in a garden) is another’s tedium. My best friend loves to work on cars, while I hate the task and will bring mine into a shop. Another friend loves to work on his house, while I am forever looking for handymen to take care of odd jobs. I spend a great deal of leisure time on my computer.

Dictionary.com defines leisure as: “Freedom from time-consuming duties, responsibilities, or activities.” This definition does not make sense if you think about it. Since everything takes time, how can we ever really be free from “time-consuming” activities? Do you know anything that can be done that will not involve an expenditure of time? Whether I go on vacation, play or go to work, I will consume time. Even prayer and meditation consume time. Leisure time has more to do with being free from goals and obligations than it does with not consuming time. Thus, freedom from duties and responsibilities is more germane to our concept of leisure time than simply not spending time. Leisure time is time when I do not have to be goal oriented or time that is not driven by some overarching responsibility. There are precious few of these moments for many of us. Even recreation and play can seem like responsibilities or work generating teaks. How many of us go on vacation and need one when we get back? Playing can be hard work for many of us if we turn it into the inevitable competition that exists in our world today.

How much leisure time do you have in your day, in your week, in your life? Is it time that is truly free of goals and responsibilities? Do you get enough of this time? If not, how could you have more leisure time in your life? What is one thing you could do today to give yourself some more “leisure time.” What would your life be like if you had more leisure time each day to just do what you want to do?

How much family time do you have?

Family time is one of the most important times in our lives. It is the time we set aside for our children and our spouse. Sometimes it seems hard to “find” this time, but unless we make the effort, we grow old without really creating those essential bonds for a family. When my daughter was young, I tried to have a fixed time each week to do something together with her. As she got older and had more friends it became more difficult to find the time each week. Nevertheless, no matter how much we say we love someone, there is nothing like being there for them.

The need to be there never ends. One morning Karen got up at 4:30 AM to travel 30 miles to take her oldest daughter to the hospital for surgery. Julie, (Karen’s Oldest) was having a hysterectomy and Karen wanted to be there with her at the hospital. Karen asked her boss for the day off so she could drive Julie to the hospital and spend the day with her. It would have been very easy for Karen to find an excuse: “It is really far to drive;” “I don’t have much vacation time left;” “There will be plenty of support at the hospital;”
“I will only spend most of my day sitting around.” Actually, all of these thoughts went through my head when Karen told me what she planned to do. However, to Karen, this was a form of family time and it was the most important time in the world that she could spend with her daughter.

Later in my second marriage, Karen and I fixed times to do something together as a family and to do something with just each other. I am not always good at keeping these times and the time together is not always “quality” time. As I look back, I would never give up these times and if there was one most important “time” in my relationship with Karen, it is this “family time.” I think Karen and I have grown closer together and become more loving and intimate as time has gone by. Our family time and family meetings are still weekly events which we adhere to. Sometimes they end up in disagreements or the discussion of unpleasant issues. The alternative is to ignore problems and just let them build up. I have found that it is never one big issue that destroys a relationship. It is the pile up of straws that as the proverb goes eventually “breaks the camels back.” Family time for me is not only time together, it is problem-solving time to improve our relationship.

Do you have a family time? Do you have a set time each week to spend together for fun and for discussion? If so, do you find this time valuable? If not, what would it take to create this time? What would it take to improve the quality of your time together with your family? Will you regret that you did not take this time in the years to come? Can you start this week with more family time?

What is your Prime Time?

We are all familiar with the concept of “Prime time.” According to Wikipedia, Prime
Time is defined as “the block of time with the most viewers and is generally where television networks and local stations reap much of their advertising revenues.” Thus for some, Prime Time is where the most money can be made.

However, what if we thought of Prime Time as a kind of Angus Beef time, in other words the choicest time of the day or our lives? Just like there are different cuts of beef denoting the value of the beef, we could have different cuts of time such as: Standard time, Choice Time, Select Time and Prime Time. Choice Time would be a lower grade of time. Work time and time spent on activities that were necessary might be Choice Time. Select Time would be time that we can select to do what we want with. Select Time can be play time or relaxation time or time which we just spend in front of the TV. Prime Time is the most special time of the day. It is the premium time we spend. It is the time that is richest in flavor and value. It is the time that you would least want to give up.

My Prime Time is the time I spend with my spouse when we both come home from work. It is the time that I spend with my grandchildren and the time I spend with my best friends. I am never sure whether my other times will be fun or worthwhile. The time I spend with my loved ones transcends being fun or worthwhile. It is a prime part of my life.

What is the Prime Time of your life? Do you regard Prime Time as ongoing, or do you feel you have already “tasted” it? Can you enjoy Prime Time every day of the week or do you just have a few days of Prime Time each week? Do you have enough Prime Time in your life? What can you do to have more Prime Time in your life?