“Grow old along with me; the best is yet to be.” This was a poem that my first wife found when
we were just married. I loved the poem and in some sense it embodied what I
felt married life should be about. There
were many times during our marriage when I thought about this poem. We ended in divorce after 16 years. I was never sure why the marriage ended. We fought, loved, laughed and suffered
through ups and downs with money but none of these things ended the marriage. I
once added up all my theories on why the marriage ended and I came up with 32
theories. Many years later, I came up
with a new theory and decided that all the old theories are bunk. For years we saw each other and I considered
my former wife a friend. However, we
have since drifted apart and for perhaps the same unfathomable reasons that the
marriage failed, the friendship has since faded away.
I am left with the poem and while I still think about it a
great deal, it now is more related to my second marriage and the hopes and
dreams I have for it. What a wonderful thought that we can share life together
with another person and expect that the best of life is still to come. I am facing
old age and looking towards the last 20 years of my life. Yet, I can more
easily believe the words of this poem today then when I was young. I now
realize that relationships are not made in heaven, they are made on earth. Relationships are like flowers and
gardens. They must be nurtured and
pampered and tended daily with loving care.
There will be weeds and dry days and floods and tornados. Rabbits and other critters will intrude on
your garden and eat your flowers. A
garden is not fixed in stone. Each year requires renewed effort to bring out
the best in it. Our relationships are a lot like gardens. If you continue working on your
relationships, they will only get better and better. If you think that your garden will take care
of itself and never need replanting or watering, you will soon find that your
garden is nothing but weeds and stones.
Do you have faith that your relationships with your friends and
loved ones can be better or do you just take them for granted? Do you believe that your life will get better
and better if you keep improving it each day? Do you think your life might also be like a
garden? What could you do to improve
your relationships or your life today? What challenges could you take today to
make your life more interesting or more fun? What parts of your relationships with your
loved ones need watering or replanting? What weeds do you need to remove in
your relationships?
I remember as my marriage was unraveling and we were in counseling that my wife got me a book entitled "Making Love Work". I didn't want love to be work, and reacted badly to the book. Of course, the title was about making love be effective, not laborious, but I still had (have?) the infantile wish that things should just proceed easily. I guess the best we can hope for is not a path of ease, but one in which we both get more out than we put in.
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